A World Not Her Own

After a really wierd dream, and some prompting from a good friend, the begining of a short story I have to share. Hope you enjoy... will get to working on part two soon.

It started out an ordinary afternoon, school in the morning, work there after, and a bit of channel surfing to relax at the end of a long day. Not really paying attention to the whirls of color flipping by on the tube, Alyssa was mindlessly pressing the channel button while contemplating life, and just how mundane it has become. The voices talking out from the boob tube, never got to finish a sentence before new voices rang out. Alyssa's thoughts dwelled on how routine everything had become, and wished for a bit of an adventure. Careful what you wish for.

All of the sudden Alyssa cried, "Ouch," a weird pain with no apparent source radiated through her body, and the world as she knew seemed to disappear around her, in a blur of colors, and a swirl of confusion. New surroundings, darker and somehow scarier, rushed towards her becoming clearer and clearer until at once she knew she was in a forest of some sort, but where and how? Looking around, she knew in the pit of her stomach that she was not safe, that she was not anyplace that she had ever been before. In her hands she still gripped the television remote, so tightly that her knuckles were white. She does not know why, but somehow this remote has taken on new important characteristics. Perhaps this is just her imagination running wild, or maybe because it ties into where she was before this crazy fiasco started. "It is just a dream. I must have dozed off on the couch..." Alyssa thought, though she knew in her heart it was not.

Quit confused, Alyssa sees the blurry outline of two other figures appear out of nothing, not far from where she first came into this strange yet fascinating place. A boy and a man, looking as startled as she felt, now stood before her. "Where are we?" asked the boy. "I... I am not sure," answered the man in a bit of a panic. Just as they were about to address Alyssa with this question, when there was an eerie, lonesome, yet somehow hungry howl in the distance. Alyssa got chills, and immediately identified this as the fear she felt when she first arrived in this strange new place. She looked at the little boy and said, "Run!"

Without looking back, or even knowing what it was that she was running from Alyssa took off like a shot. She clutched her remote in her fist as she ran, feeling the weight of importance that it possessed. Not knowing where she was going, she kept running, as fast and hard as she could. More howling arose, a little closer now, and many more in number. There was a clearing in the woods up ahead, and when she got there she stopped dead in her tracks, for this was the first she could see of the sky. It was then she knew she was no longer in her own world, for there in the sky she could see three moons. In a flash Alyssa forgot all about the impeding danger. She had never seen a sky so beautiful.

One of the moons, was as full as she had ever seen, and it glowed in a breathtaking blue huge. It looked as though God had hung a huge blue sapphire in the night sky, and was holding a light behind it. This moon illuminated everything in sight as though you were looking through blue lenses. The other two moons were partially hidden by the tree line, one appeared to be just rising, and the other an hour or so ahead of it, they were huge and beautiful in their own right. Snapping back into reality, she heard a painful scream. This time it was not a howl, but a human scream, a young one. She knew that whatever was chasing them had gotten the boy. Heart pounding, feet slapping the damp earth beneath her, Alyssa realized she was running again. The moons gave off ample light, but it was hard to hear anything but raw fear rushing through her veins. It is unknown how far or how long Alyssa ran for, but soon enough she can to a stream.

Quickly, thoughts flew through her mind, "Well if they are wolves, then I must go into the water, they will surely loose my scent." She knew it was more than wolves that hunted her; but she dove in the water anyways. "I should swim upstream, because they would expect me to swim with the current... they who, wolves cannot think like humans, Alyssa get a grip, you are losing your mind woman, snap out of it." Fighting the current was not hard for Alyssa as she had been a swimmer all her life, she would not even break a sweet. Alyssa's thoughts drifted to the girl's swim team she was currently coaching, and she wondered if she would ever see them again. "Of course I will, keep it together now!" she thought to herself. After swimming for what seemed an eternity, she was creeping up on a quant little stone bridge that crossed the stream at what seemed its most narrow area. Along the bank Alyssa noticed reeds, hollow and tall enough that she could breathe while under water. A plan was forming in her head.

Just in time, she breaks the read as close to the root as possible, gives it a couple of good blows in case a bug had made its home inside, found a nice rock to anchor to, and hid herself in the shadow of the bridge underwater. She could hear the howls of the hunting party getting closer, and they were soon visible along the bank, rounding the curve that she had minutes before swam round. "Impossible," she thought, "how can they have kept my scent, I swam so far..." There were only a few shadowy figures coming near the bridge. "Just scouts I bet" she thought in a relief. From far away, they did indeed look to be ordinary wolves, but as they drew nearer, she could see that they were larger and more beautiful, and threatening all at the same time. Just then a cloud drifted in front of the large blue moon, giving her the cover of darkness as well. Though she was under water, she could hear everything, the current pushing past her, the crickets chirping, the wind rustling in the trees. She thought her breatingh must be as loud as the thunderous crash of a water fall.

The creatures were so close now, Alyssa was sure that they would see her, and then they stopped. What happened next, amazed her so, that she almost gave up her position. The large silver wolf turned to the other and spoke, "Ah, we've lost her Drezdin! Why is it we always get sent on the impossible routes? Everyone knows the girl swam with the current, she'd cover more ground that way, sides 'umans can't swim like fish."

With a low throaty growl the brown wolf replied, "Shut up Smite and put your snout to good use, you heard Adrenzia, no one sleeps or feeds until we find the other two and we haven’t got much time left for the full moon sets. "

"But I'm hungry, and we lost her scent a mile down stream.." Smite mumbled as they headed upstream.

Just then, another blood curdling scream was heard echoing through the forest, and Smite and Drezdin took off towards the scream, back the way they came. "Two down, one to go," thought Alyssa miserably. She drug her self out of the water, the sweet air bursting into her lungs has never felt so refreshing. Scanning the tree line in front of her, she found a thinner area of the woods, all the while contemplating, "How in the world did these beasts speak, and with some type of reason?" Her thoughts reeled back to the conversation she heard, and it hit her. "Werewolves, they must be werewolves, what with all the talk of the full moon. But how? There is no such animal, only in fairytales." She knew that she as safe for the moment, but should stay on the move. Looking down at the remote still clutched in her hand, she realized that it must be ruined now, but still she felt it had some importance. Silly really, perhaps it just reminded her of home. Putting the remote in her cargo pocket, she jogged towards the woods.

To Be Continued...

shes_a_sprite @ 2:48 PM.

Questions Lots of em

Life is not a spectator sport.

Why can I not accept things the way they are? Why must I constantly push myself? I wish I could be one of those people who could just take life as it comes. Why must I sweat every little thing?

More questions... Why do I feel so utterly alone? Not that I do not have friends, but just that no one fully understands? Why do I always question everything, I can never just take it at face value. I have to touch it, analyze it, think it over. Can't I just be care free?

Why am I still in school? I am 25, single, and no where near starting my own family. Does this make me a failure? Why does my past haunt me, why can I not just let it go?

Good things about me: I always push myself to do my best. Though, I do question things that have happened, I try not dwell on them. Life deals adversity, and I can take it. I am inquisitive, and sometimes this is good.

I just seem to have hit a time in my life, where I feel there should be more. I question who I have become, and where I am going, and if I will ever get there! I do not wish to be stuck working in Williston the rest of my life. I do not want to be alone any more, I wish I could open up, and share my life, and love with someone special. I am so very Jaded, that even when there is nothing detrimentally wrong with the relationship, I find a reason to bale. It is a defense mechanism that I wish I could turn off, I know that I am doing it when it happens, but I cannot stop.

More questions

Why do I feel as if I am standing amidst a room full of people, screaming at the top of my lungs yet no one can here me, or if they can hear me that they ignore me? Why do I feel like I am writing this in vain? Will anyone even read it, and if they do will they care? Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I think I am burnt out. With the back issue, and work nonstop, and school stress, I think I have just burned the candle on both ends, and have no more wick to burn. Am I having a midlife crisis at 25? I am not even supposed to have reached my sexual peak yet people, how can this be a midlife crisis?

Did you know that I have used 15 question marks so far this post? (16)

A poem that I wrote earlier today:

“But a Shadow”

Depths beyond imagination
Found within thine eyes
Oceans, vast and turbulent
Emotion in its truest form

Anguish is not masked
By smiles forced to shine
Pain cannot be hidden
This façade is but a believable lie

At night, I hear you stir
Dreams must haunt thy sleep
Peace has once again escaped
Even in the darkness you cannot hide

The silence is so deafening
In the still of this warm night
Memories unspoken
Find their way into your mind

A sudden flash of movement
as you wake with unheard screams
I try to comfort you as always
But I am just a shadow in the darkness
One that you have pushed aside

A ghost I have become,
Just like your memories
Thine eyes now all but gray
as the last of hope within you dies

If you know me, you know that there is no one who sleeps beside me. It was just easier to write about as if it were someone else.

I still have not smoked. Took me a good 90 days to get totally over last time, so I only have 79 to go... I am such a dork sometimes. I am going to study the Krebs Cycle when I get home from work today.... Fun, fun.

Quote for the day:

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

-Lily Tomlin

Current mood: curious

Well that is about it folks, I am all talked out. (imagine that...)

shes_a_sprite @ 3:57 PM.

The dream

There is so much that is going through my head right now. I am scared, very scared, for my grade in biology. I did not do well on my last test, even a high C on the first test does not help this. I have two more tests to go, and that is it. I have to do very well in order to pass, and SO LONG 4.0. There is no chance now of salvaging it, NONE. And this is hard for me to accept. Really hard.

I leave in like 5 minutes to go get my hairs cut.... Gulp! I will let you know how it looks later on in this post.

I had a really weird dream the other night, I think partially inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia that I am reading. I was sitting on my couch, with the remote in hand, and I was suddenly sucked into another world (hence Narnia... but it was not a nice world) full of werewolves. Who only pulled humans from this world to feed on. Like I said, I had my remote in my hand, and at the same time as I arrived, a man, and a boy also arrived. Somehow I knew it was not good, and started to run. I came upon a river, with a stone bridge and without thinking, dove right in. I found a hollow reed, which I used to breathe, and hide myself under water. I could see the wolves hunting me, but they could not see me, it was dark, and they lost my scent in the water.

Long after they left this area, I dredged myself out of the water, and made for the forest on the other side. The remote that I had with me apparently adapted magical capabilities, and I soon found that I could pause the wolves if they got to close to me, which lasted about 15 minutes, and I could get away. This went on for weeks, and I survived on nuts and berries, and actually had a golly good time. These werewolves were also unable to morph unless it was a full moon, unfortunately there were three moons on this world, so that never seemed to give much reprieve. Well, after I had been there for what seemed like months, my batteries died in the magical remote. The head werewolf dude, Adrenzia, had decided that no more humans were to be brought over until I was killed, as they did not want their world over run with humans like earth was.

They set out on a hunting party, even though it was not a full moon, and they were in their human form like me. Well, I gave them a good chase, but in the end there were just too many to out run. One particular chap caught up with me, (for some reason they were all naked, I guess in expectation of the next full moon, in like 20 minutes, or perhaps they never wore clothes I dunno, I just dreamt it) and I put up a fight, after all he was only human. After some struggle I was half pinned, and the only weapon I had left was my teeth, so I bit him. Suddenly I heard a howl from the pack, and I immediately began to fell strange, more powerful, yet sick all at once. I heard them talking, as the man/ wolf who I bit, ran with his tail tucked b/w his legs. It was widely whispered that once a human bites a werewolf, they become ever more powerful, for they acquire the ability to morph as they please, not controlled by the powers of the moon. He who bit the werewolf would become the new leader of the pact, or in my case, the queen.

Well the rest is as you would expect, I made the wolf that tried to kill me my slave, and ruled the pack through their golden age. It was not often that I took on that form, but when I did, I turned into the most beautiful silver and white wolf, that was ever known to the werewolves, only strengthening the power I held over them. And then with a lonely howl at one of the three beautiful moons, I awoke.

My hair looks really nice. A total of six inches cut from the length, and the rest has beautiful layers. It looks really good, I even bought *dun dun dun* moose and root lifter. Now this may seem normal if you don’t know me, but I never, ever put anything other than conditioner and shampoo in my hair unless it is of course deep fortifying treatment. On very special occasions I might use hairspray... but generally not!

I am still doing well with quitting. I broke and had three on Friday in between patches. (I ran out on Friday morning, and did not have the money until I got paid, later that afternoon) I bought some as soon as I got off work, and all was well. I even took a step down, step two, and I am doing okay!

Class started back today. And I can not even describe to you how much of a dork he is CO –Operate (said as two words) ma- tab- olizm three words... OMG it is awful! No overhead, no power point, just a few words written on the board.

Well I guess that is long enough for now. Blog ya later.

shes_a_sprite @ 4:21 PM.

Champions, Return to Arms

Got muh bangs cut today. I think I am going back on Monday to have about 4 inches trimmed off, and layers put in the rest of it. I decided about 6 months ago, that I was ready for a change, guess I was not as ready as I thought I was.

I am so glad to be out of school this week! I think I am going to go pamper myself after work, I will have to use the credit card, but hey, you only live once right? Think I will get my nails done AND a pedicure. It will be heavenly let me assure you!

Oh speaking of heavenly, that massage/ torture left bruises on my arse... and was not at all heavenly. Though I am sure it did some good on a deep tissue level, on the top level it still hurts to lean back into a chair... And I have to go through this again Friday (*sigh* oh whoawez me)

Well it is tomorrow already... Nails and toes are done, and look great. I bought The Chronicles of Narnia, and got quite into it! I have not smoked in over three days, and I am dying...

I do not feel like being at work today. I really want to go home and either read some more of this book, or play the game. By the game, I do mean Champions of Norrath, Return to Arms. Our characters are starting to buff up again. We played the last ones till they were level a 72 Shamen and a level 73 ranger and there were no more levels to beat. (We beat the game 4 times over from beginning to legendary) We would have continued on our quest for the blood stones, (each level has a medallion round, that once unlocked leads to a bonus round which has a blood stone, and only after you get all 11 blood stones, can you release the sword from the stone in the Plane of valor) Yeah I am so addicted... but anyways, we had to start all over, because we got a glitch in those characters, and it would not allow us to beat one of the bonus levels. We could get all the way through it, but it would not count the final item we successfully collected! I was soooooooooo pissed! So anyhow, our characters are finally getting back up to speed, I think level 29 wizard and a 30 thirty barbarian chick. I like her, but she is a short range fighter, and very stout. I so miss having a good ranged attack. Okay, I have shown enough of my gamer side for one day!

Well I better close for now. See ya !

shes_a_sprite @ 3:38 PM.

I hath been commanded to update

I have been commanded to update, by the almighty one himself... so I must bow to his wishes or face the eternal wrath!

Well, I had a pretty good weekend! I went to Mom's on Friday night, and enjoyed spending some time with her, we watched Boogieman and Troy... well, I watched the end of Boogieman and all of Troy alone, she was out cold! Ha, you know those old farts! (*evil grin* only place in the world I can get away with that)

I went shopping the next day, as well as shooting, and I did very well. I kept a tight group, and most of my shots were in the trunk area of the silhouette, even got about 4 in the 3 inch circle in the middle... not bad, considering that I have not shot in over a year.

Then I got to play the game, oh the cursed game. I am so addicted. Lar and I probably played till 0100. Sunday was Father's day, and I have had my fill of family for the next couple of weeks. I went to see my Papa, which was not too bad, but this includes seeing my grandmother, Whom I love, but gosh is she nuerotic! Then I talked to my dad, his father, and my step grandfather, let me tell you, there are only two men in my life that I care to speak with, or see that much of, and that would be Papa, and Larry. I don't really care for Father's day all that much. Anybody can be a father, it takes a special man to be a Dad... Hopefully my kids will be that lucky, I hope that I do not fail them in that regard!

Then we (me and Lar) saw Cinderella Man, a very good movie! I rate it a good solid 9 out of 10. Enough action to satisfy the guys, yet enough drama to keep the women happy, an all around balanced flick!

The latest news: I am trying to quit smoking, again. Wish me much luck.

Currently, I am trying to play Frisbee with Larry through the window from records to dispatch, and he is just not having it! My mom stopped by on her way home from work, she won the luch time drawing last week for today, from a radio station, and she got all kinds of free cd's which she passed along to mwa! I got Kelly Clarkson Breakaway, the diary of alicia keys, Mario Turning Point, Jasse McCartney Beautiful soul and some dude I have never heard of Tyler Hilton... don't know if they are any good, but free is always nice! Well blog ya later folks, I have run out of things to talk about!

shes_a_sprite @ 5:57 PM.

Shoot

So, Friday morning has come and gone, I don't think I have ever dreaded a Friday so much in my entire life. I had two fairly large tests today, Biology at 0800, and psychology (normally not a big deal, but this was the final, with no short answers, totally multiple choice.) at 0915. I don't know why I even bothered to study, or stress myself out over them. I was anally assassinated, public enemy number one: Biology. Psychology was not so bad, but it was not great either. I did poorly compared to how I usually do.

I took yesterday off work, so that I could study, and study I did... What a waste of time, I could have gone to the pool, or to a movie, or just played some play station... I am very disappointed, and hard on my self so enough of that.

I found out in the last couple of days that I am simple minded, anal, and that I have a short attention span... Good thing I don't take the looking glass approach on self esteem (the looking glass approach: viewing your self worth and image as others view you, the world is your mirror) I might be really upset by this, but eh? I am OCD, (lets be politically correct about it, I don't think it is proper to use the sphincter used in excretion of bodily waste, to describe someone that you are supposed to like) and I am okay with that. Things make more sense when there is order to them. And I do have my blonde moments... so I guess in a way that could be simple minded or short attention span...

Not much on the work front: Same old bullshit different pay week.... I may get to go to the CJIS conference at the end of July. Actual records training, for the records specialist! I have only been to one records class in four years, I have learned the rest by self motivation, and asking a lot of questions (and paying attention to answers) I have no qualms about calling the state attorneys office when I have questions, and sometimes even records management in Tallahassee. This will be way cool! I am soooooo excited! I will miss two days of class, but I deem this a worthy cause.

On the man front: No news, no prospects, no interest in finding a prospect, no time to spend with a "would be prospect." I managed to blow the last guy off with out much of a problem. He was getting awfully close to that 90 probation period.

I am off to my mom's house tonight. I sometimes retreat there, when I just need a shoulder. Not necessarily to cry on, she just understands some things, and she is making me my comfort food: Fried Potatoes. Lar took me to OG for lunch and that was nice too, well I kind of took him. Let's just say I drug him out of bed, and asked/ begged him to go with me.

Tomorrow I will be heading to the mall to buy my Papa a Father's day gift, and then to the gun range to fire off a few rounds. Shopping and shooting, what a perfect day! I can't wait, I have not been able to shoot in so long, I am not going to remember which end to load the clip into! Jeeze, it has been over a year! I love to shoot! I think I will start doing this more often.

OMG ~ I only have two more therapies left ~ and this week (wait for it) I get to have massage therapy at the end, 30 minutes of glorious massage, on areas of my back that so need to be loosened. SO very nice! The back is doing some what better.

Well that is about it for now... blog ya later~

shes_a_sprite @ 7:48 PM.

Everything Burns

shes_a_sprite @ 2:00 PM.

some one hit the pause button please!

Alright my life is in hyperdrive! I cannot wait until after June 17th, as this silly psych class will be over, and I can actually have time and energy to focus on the more important things in life, like blogging, writing, and well biology, relaxation (what the hell does that even mean?)

A brief update: I got a 98 on my last psych test, I am not even going to bring up my first biology test, I have two tests next Friday (can you tell my life revolves around school, no wonder I can't maintain a normal healthy relationship!) I am slightly worried about biology. The psych test I have some room to breath, I have a solid A average... but for bio, I need like a high A if I am going to salvage any part of my grade. Enough about school.

Work: is work- same old bullshit, enough said

The back is okay, no better, actually it is having a new problem. The therapist was trying to fix me, (apparently my right leg is longer than my left by a half an inch cause I stand crooked from all the knee surgery, 5 years of a leg brace, crutches and rehab, and it pinches a nerve. He called it sciatica what ever that means.) Anyways he pushed my leg into my chest so hard that the front of my leg liked to have lit on fire, and wow pain. Now it does this whenever I get my leg too bent towards my body. I swear I am falling apart!

Broke up with the beau, I was never really into him. I have issues what can I say? There is enough on my plate without the typical dramas of a relationship.

I cried myself to sleep the last couple of nights. Think I am just sick of not being able to move like a normal human being. It could always be worse though, I could be confined to a wheel chair, at least I can walk. It would be nice to get a few minutes pain free!

Well that is it for now, I will try to update more often!

shes_a_sprite @ 7:29 PM.

About me

Name : Heather
Age : 25
School : UF
Location: Gainesville, FL
About Me:
Just a woman trying to find her way. These are the innermost thoughts of me, who am I? Just read and see. If I stir in you, any emotion at all, then I have reached my goal. Forever me...


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